Spilling My Guts in 2013

I wanted to start the blogging year on a motivational note.  Here's the thing: I like New Year's resolutions.  Even if they are 99% self-deluding nonsense, I enjoy seeing the calendar roll over and pushing the reset button while pronouncing a few probably non-starting self-improvement initiatives.  Winter is a grind, after all, and I don't see anything wrong with setting some goals that will never be reached as a way of braving the cold dark months ahead.  I wanted to blog something about how I was going to 'positively own 2013.'  'Destroy 2013.'  'Make mincemeat of 2013.'  I was going to talk about how 2012, the greatest year of my life, the year I got to know my son and revel in raising him with my sometimes-popular wife, would serve as a launching pad for an even more awesome 2013.

Then I threw up.

Boston, Massachusetts was the site of 2013's MLA Conference.  My wife was there for an undisclosed number of job interviews, possibly to determine where we'll spend the rest of our lives.  I was there for support.  While she was nailing her interviews, I watched over the McBonerito.  All was going well until the final night in our comfortable room in the Sheraton.

The nausea that woke me at around 2AM told me I was in for it.  Between intermittent spells of sleep, I suffered chills and aches.  Stomach flu, for certain.  I longed for a quick resolution, but was condemned to moan and roll in bed until dawn.  At last, 6 AM was the appointed hour.  The nausea now acute, I leap out of bed and hustled to the bathroom, just as my guts unleashed their fury.

One, two, three violent heaves sent a steak and bean burrito surging into the toilet.  I lingered a moment, regarding the frothy mix of beef and red legumes.  On the surface, browned cilantro leaves floated--little lily pads on a putrid pond from hell.

Subsequent wretches summoned less recognizable matter: breakfast's egg, cheese and sausage bagel was a warm, curdled sludge that sank quickly to the bottom.

A final few hacks of yellow bile signaled the end.  After mopping up the spatter and brushing my teeth for an hour, I staggered back to bed.  I would spend the day in a diminished state, so weakened that every task was insurmountable.  My 14-month-old son easily overwhelmed me during a routine diaper change.  Were he of a more sinister nature, he could have taken my arm behind my back and made me cry "uncle."  But he's a good and reasonable lad, and he eventually consented to having his loins regirded. 

After wrapping up some final Boston business that day, we hit the road.  At well past the stroke of 2 AM, 24 hours after the stomach fun began, we found ourselves crawling thankfully into our own bed.  The trip was overwhelmingly positive, but after having my ass handed to me by the flu and negotiating the long route from Boston to Chicago to West Lafayette, IN, I find myself humbled.  Perhaps further posts will see me 'taking 2013 by storm,' but for now I'll reflect on that semi-digested mess in the toilet and remember that a few microbes can topple even the mightiest of bloggers.

Oh, and I wanted to say goodbye to 2012 with a final birding list, so here's that:

Birds sighted, 12/29:

Junco
Cardinal
Goldfinch
Mourning dove
House finch
House sparrow
Downy woodpecker
Red-headed woodpecker
Chickadee
Tufted titmouse
Red-breasted nuthatch
White-breasted nuthatch
Carolina wren
Blue jay
Starling
Red-tailed hawk

nwb

The McBone Birdwatching Journal; X-Rated Edition

So I'm just sitting there on the sofa with the kiddo and wife watching the birds do their feeding thing when I spied a gray squirrel humping another gray squirrel right in the middle of the yard.  I thought, Well now that's a fine display, ladies and gentlemen.  I mean, after all there are children here.  Then, just as I was charging outside to break up the party, they went and pulled the old switcheroo on me. Suddenly, the squirrel on the receiving end started humping the humper.  I paused and found myself wondering if this was a choice, or were they born that way?  And what do various religions have to say about gay squirrels? And are there any squirrel sodomy laws on the books that I'm unaware of?

Male, female, gay, straight--whatever the case, they have this whole great big private oak tree they could be using.

Anyways:

Birds sighted

Cardinal
Chickadee
Tufted titmouse
White breasted nuthatch
Carolina wren
Junco
House sparrow--about a million
House finch
Goldfinch
Mourning dove
Downy woodpecker
Hairy woodpecker

nwb

Audubone and McGraw?

McBoner Steven made an astute observation when he called us an Audubon for the digital age.  Here's a closer look at the immature red-bellied, filmed using the latest in crystal-clear HD technology:



Eat your heart out John James.

nwb

The McBone Birdwatching Journal: Now in HD

So, I was talking to my buddy Jim on the phone the other day and lamenting the abysmal quality of my nature photography.  He seemed pretty distracted, which probably meant he was in the editing room or something, but I have to admit to being slightly hacked off at his apparent lack of interest in my problem.  Well, perhaps I was too hard on the guy, because when I came home from work yesterday I found a package on the doorstep.  Boy was I surprised to discover that ol' Jimmy had sent me one of his spares!  Now, thanks to technology (and the filmmaking savvy of my sometimes-pregnant wife), you can watch our videos in stunning SUPER HIGH DEFINITION:



This immature red-bellied woodpecker, whose youthful exuberance is captured here in crisp, clear HD imagery, has been picking at a luscious cake of nuts and seeds for the past several days.  Note the head, conspicuously lacking the trademark red cap it will develop in maturity, and the sheen of wide-eyed curiosity as first a moth and then a house finch zip by.

Ah, enjoy these moments, innocent fledgling, and a word of advice: the squirrels are watching, so feast, feast while you can!*

nwb



*Too late.  They got it

The McBone Birdwatching Journal; Birds Sighted

Downy woodpecker

This weekend featured some first-rate birding, both here at McBone Manor and at Celery Bog Park.

Here's what we sighted:

Robin

Hairy woodpecker (2 pairs)

Mourning dove

House finch

Chipping sparrow

Some kind of thrush.  Hell if I could figure out which one.

Goldfinch

Downy woodpecker

Chickadee

Blue-Gray gnatcatcher

Cardinal

Blue jay

Tufted titmouse

White-breasted nuthatch

Catbird

Ruby-throated hummingbird

Red-winged blackbird

Bluebird

Cedar waxwing

Orchard oriole*

Baltimore oriole

Grackle

Starling

Kingbird

Chimney swift

Eastern phoebe

Tree swallow

Crow

*I was especially delighted to have seen an orchard oriole for the first time in my birdwatching career.  Contending with a flock of cedar waxwings for some ripe tree berries, the brick-red oriole burst through the foliage and perched on a bare branch long enough for me to realize I had no idea what it was.  Luckily, my Golden guide was on hand to help me rack up a life bird.

In other birding news, our gray squirrel population has taken to openly mocking me, evacuating the feeders only when within arm's length of their imbecilic enemy and resuming their feast as quickly as the door shuts behind me.

nwb

The McBone Birdwatching Journal; Birds Sighted

Yes I realize that this is in danger of devolving (perhaps evolving?) into a bird journal, but what can I say?  Today made for some exquisite birding:

Blue jay - woke me up

Cardinal 

Hummingbird

House finch

Chickadee - nesting in the wren house

Catbird - slamming the peanut butter suet

Red-bellied woodpecker

Downy woodpecker

Hairy woodpecker

Pileated woodpecker - heard not seen

Rose-breasted grosbeak

Crow - taking his own turn at the suet

Brown-headed cowbird - engaged in a violent menage a trois

Chipping sparrow

House sparrow

Robin

White-breasted nuthatch

Hermit thrush

Mourning dove

Some kind of warbler - hey, let's see YOU identify a warbler, wiseass

nwb

The McBone Birdwatching Journal; Downy Woodpecker

Easter Sunday at McBone Manor means feasting on ham and scalloped potatoes and whatever green vegetable wasn't looking too gray in the produce coolers at the local Kroger.  No ham for this downy woodpecker, though, who seems perfectly content to pick away at a delicious cake of peanut butter and rendered fat:

Male downy woodpecker, with indicative red spot

A couple of hours later, his lady friend stopped by to fuel up too:

Female downy woodpecker, sans indicative red spot

While this afternoon snacking can in no way match the drama of last year's x-rated Easter display by two merlins screwing as if Judgment Day were nigh, what, I ask, could be more pleasant than a visitation by two perfectly lovely examples of Picoides pubescens?  The downy is among the most far-flung of American woodpeckers, ranging from Portland, Maine to a certain port city in Oregon, the name of which escapes me at the moment.  These suckers are easily attracted by anyone with a couple of bucks to spend on a suet cake, a cage and a can-do attitude.

What's that?  Not good enough for you?  Well then, how about the first hummingbird of the season!

Hummingbird feeder.  Not pictured: hummingbird

OK, so I failed to capture the bird, but I swear it was there a nanosecond before the shutter could close--that's just how fast a hummingbird can fly.

What the keen eye may have observed is Red, one of our resident fucking squirrels and a voracious eater of the food I buy for birds, parked on the bird feeder like he owns the goddam place.  I really should go chuck a rock at him, but I suppose it is a holiday after all, and WWJD?

Still not satisfied?  Well then, how about this breathtaking combination of red and yellow, or as my sometimes-popular wife put it, ketchup and mustard?  Hey, as long as there's no mayonnaise in the equation, I'm ok with the condiment references:

Ever notice that the goldfinch very closely matches the color of a blooming dandelion?  Coincidence?  I think not.  I don't know if God has a plan, but I'm pretty sure nature does.

Well, that's all I got.  Merry Easter, everyone.

nwb

Birds Spotted, 12/4/10

It's a beautiful day here at McBone Outpost #1211 (aka McBone Manor).  We awoke to a fresh blanket of snow--the first winter storm of the season.  Happily our feeders were brimming with seed, much to the delight of:

Cardinal
House sparrow
House finch
Carolina wren
Chickadee
Tufted titmouse
White-throated sparrow
Dark-eyed junco
Red-bellied woodpecker
White-breasted nuthatch
Blue Jay
Downy woodpecker
Goldfinch
Mourning dove
Gray fucking squirrel

Also spotted

Robin
Cedar waxwing
Yellow-bellied sapsucker (first time ever!)
Starling
American chicken:

nwb

Ahhh

Today is a perfect day. 75 degrees and sunny.  For the first time in three weeks, I don't have to work on Saturday. I am sitting outside writing about wine and watching this symphonic play of wildlife in my front yard.  For a moment, I can forget about oil spills and chemical dispersants and enjoy the chirruping of:

House finch
Goldfinch
House sparrow
Chipping sparrow
Grackle
Robin
Cardinal
Starling
Mourning dove
There was even a ruby-throated hummingbird who took a sniff at the seed feeders before buzzing away.

I can also hear the rattling of a chipmunk in the storm drain and a gray squirrel is hopping here and there, no doubt wondering how to get to the seed, though I am ten feet from the feeder.

If you think that sounds pretty good, wait till you get a load of my sandwich!

Roast beef, ham, pepper jack, tomato, pickle and onion on sourdough.  The only oil I'm thinking about right now is the one mixed with vinegar and drizzled on this giant ass sandwich.

I believe I'll pour a glass of Chardonnay.  There may even be a cigar in my near future.

All is well with the world.

nwb

Birds Spotted, 1/24/10

As I sit at my desk grappling with ideas, I often turn my gaze to our front window in search of inspiration.  Aside from breathtaking landscapes, we also have a bird feeder that usually gets a fair amount of action.

With the weather warming up and the sun showing its elusive face for the first time in weeks, it's been something of a banner bird day here at McBone outpost #1211.  Unlike in my last few bird-related posts, these birds were all very much alive.

Birds spotted

House finch
House sparrow
Goldfinch
Chickadee
Tufted titmouse
White breasted nuthatch
Robin
Northern flicker
Downy woodpecker
Junco
Mourning dove
Cardinal
Carolina wren
Red bellied woodpecker (pictured below)














Of course as any avian enthusiast knows, the joy of attracting birds brings with it the concomitant aggravation of an undesirable rodent class of mammals.

Rodent mammals spotted

Squirrel
Chipmunk

The sucky thing is that the rodents are bigger, smarter and more aggressive than the birds.  Occasionally a hawk will swoop in and snatch one up in its razor sharp talons, but at human devised deterrents they just laugh and feast and frolic in mockery of my rage.

nwb