Thursday, September 10, 2009

Hey Martin Scorsese! When and Why Exactly Did Leonardo DiCaprio Become Your Muse?

Hey, Martin Scorsese!  Do you remember when you used to make great movies?  I mean really great movies that were changing the course of cinema?  You know the ones I mean, the awesome ones from the 70s like Taxi Driver, Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore and Raging Bull.  The ones that should have won you some Oscars if the Oscars weren't so goddam worthless.  Oh hey, you did some good work in the 80s, too, don't forget.  The surreal After Hours, The Color of Money and The Last Temptation of Christ--seems like you were getting adventurous in the crazy 80s, when everyone else sort of lost their heads.  You did come up with that Michael Jackson Bad video, but we'll give you a pass on that one.  The 90s was kind of a renaissance that saw you churning out masterpieces like Casino, Goodfellas and Cape Fear.  Basically, you owned the 90s, even if the Academy took no notice. 

And then?

Then came the new millennium, and you've got some explaining to do.  Can you please tell us, your fans, what exactly is going on? Why why why in the world does Leonardo DiCaprio have to be in every single one of your movies now?  And he's not just in them; he's basically been the main man in all of them.  I can't fault your ambition with most of these flicks.  Gangs of New York?  Shit, that may have been your magnum opus if not for one little flaw--it stars Leonardo DiCaprio, every bit as bland as Daniel Day Lewis is terrifying.  The Aviator?  Damned good movie except for, yup, Leonardo DiCaprio.  Then there's the movie you finally struck Oscar gold with, The Departed.  That's you doing what you do best--the gangster film, and it's a pretty awesome movie.  Nice job, teaming up with Jack Nicholson, and Mark Wahlberg absolutely steals every scene he's in.  I only have one tiny, itsy bitsy gripe with this picture.  Can you guess what it is?  I bet you can.

Let me take pause for a moment to say that I really have nothing against Leo.  Maybe its just you who brings out the stiff, serious, unsmiling, pre-programmed and predictable actor-bot in him.  I don't even condemn the guy for Titanic, as some do, and I hate Titanic.  No, I don't condemn him for starring in (and sucking in) the biggest most bloated film of all time.  I'll even go ahead and say I like Leo sometimes, but then we're talking the doped up, drugged out Basketball Diaries Leo.  There's some talent there, no doubt, though it seems to be buried where only Gilbert Grape can find it.

Seriously now, though; is Leo really to be your leading man for a whole decade?  I guess so, because the upcoming Shutter Island, which looks terrific and creepy in previews by the way, stars none other than your best buddy.  Remember when Robert DeNiro was your guy?  Now that I get, and, boy, those were the times.

Mr Scorsese...Martin, I have nothing but respect for you.  You could have retired in the seventies and lived out your days on the glory of what you had already achieved.  You've also made films about the Band and Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones, and for that we salute you.  No, your place in cinematic history is not in question.  You even found time along the way to marry one of the most beautiful women ever to walk the face of the planet. are pushing 70.  I know there's gas left in the tank, but let's be realistic--the clock is ticking. Please, do us all a favor and hire a new guy.  I know DeNiro's too busy hanging around with the Fockers these days, but surely someone else out there is up the the challenge of a Scorsese movie, someone who, like you, is so much better than mediocre.



Kid Shay said...

Nice call.

Could DiCaprio become Scorsese's last waltz? heh.

BillBow Baggins said...

I understand being comfortable with an actor and all, but Leo DiCaprio? In every movie? Bah!


Unknown said...

You misspelled with in the last paragraph...

Yes, I am trying to be that @$$hole that reads a great article, but instead of saying "great work, " they point out the most minute error and stand there with their arms folded and a blank stare on their face.

BillBow Baggins said...

Thank you, Evan, for pointing out this grievous error. McBone strives for grammatical accuracy at all times, but the fact that many of these posts are produced in the wee hours and under the influence of alcohol...well, let's just say that some slip by.

McBone is taking the standard corrective action, rest assured.


Kid Shay said...

If we had to write blogs sober, they'd hardly be worth reading.

jheinz said...

Go with the best young actor today; Ryan Gosling. And no I'm not being sarcastic. Watch Half Nelson and you'll know what I mean (it also happen to be one of my all time favorite movies). Yes The Notebook was sappy but the acting was superb. Really, look at his resume; self loathing Jewish Neo Nazi, teenage murderer, heart throb to millions, crack-addicted influential middle school teacher (Half Nelson), delusional young man who falls for an anatomically correct sex doll.
You don’t have to look too hard. I didn’t even mention Fracture or The United States of Leland.
Ryan Gosling is the best, most versatile actor today. THAT’S who Marty should use!

BillBow Baggins said...

Ryan Gosling. I'm listening. He was great in Lars and the Real Girl, which is a movie I always seem to forget about. Half Nelson is on the Netflix queue.

I'm with you. Why not give him a shot?


Anonymous said...

Gosling is a strong actor. His acting chops were great in Half Nelson. Lars and the Real Girl is definitely my favorite movie of his. It's a great story and a movie. Bianca getting voted onto the school board is tellingly hilarious. I'll take Gosling over DiCaprio anyday.