Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Separated at Birth?

For years I've noticed that, whenever I'm in public, total strangers will stop whatever they're doing and stare at me, point me out to friends, even whip out their cellphones to take a furtive snapshot or two. It used to be an uncomfortable sensation, being observed, ogled constantly by people I didn't know and wasn't likely to meet. Often I wondered, just what was wrong with me? I suffered through protracted bouts of depression and often teetered on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Then one day, while venting my frustration, I was enlightened by a buddy of mine. Dude, he said. Don't you know?

Know what?

Dude, you look just like Denzel Washington.
A quick glance in the mirror confirmed his seemingly outlandish assertion. All at once the haze of confusion was lifted. Life took on new meaning. I was no monster, no mutant, no halfpenny sideshow freak. The resemblance was uncanny--I was looking right at him, the star of "Malcolm X", "American Gangster" and TV's "St. Elsewhere." You can imagine my relief.

Today when accosted by strangers I am gracious and politely apologetic in disappointing their hopes. Naturally I'm sometimes forced to oblige them in their disbelief. I'll gladly shake hands, kiss a baby, sign a photograph that, I must agree, might as well be me.

Obviously Denzel Washington and I are two totally different people, but you might be surprised to know that we have quite a few things in common. For instance, we are both:

Male gendered.

Sudoku buffs.

Fond of lemonade.

Ham radio enthusiasts.

Academy Award winners.


So when you see me walking the streets of Akron, Ohio, do not be shy. By all means stare, point me out to friends, ogle to your heart's content. Of course I'll sign an autograph. Ask a thousand questions; I'll wink and answer and delight the whole time in knowing I'm one of the world's most attractive men.


1 comment:

Kid Shay said...

Damn it, now I have to tell all my friends I don't know Denzel Washington.