McBone: A Field Guide

For the uninitiated, McBone can be a strange, vast, almost dreamlike realm, a place where the principles of time and space have no meaning and nothing is quite what it seems.  Of those McBoning for the first time, even the savviest of blog aficionados have described a feeling akin to 'floating on water' or 'tripping on acid' or 'spending too much time on the internet.'  Yes, it's easy to get lost in the McBoniverse.  That's why we've devised a convenient field guide* to help the novice McBoner navigate our subtle ebbs and flows.

CAST AND CREW 

McGraw
Co-Captain, frequent contributor, moustache/tennis champion.  Not a baby blogger.

Stabbone
Co-Captain, yearly contributor, moustache runner-up.  Career oriented. 

Sometimes-Popular Wife
Bride of McGraw.  Editor, photographer.  McGraw's blogging conscience.  Sometimes pregnant. 

McBonerito
McGraw progeny, rare subject of blog. 

Kid Shay
Partner blogger, official cartoonist.  Bearded.  Married to Isis. 

Slider K Shaftacular
Partner blogger, MD.  Wears fleece.  Believes in global warming. 

M. Patrick Foliglio
Poet Laureate/ recluse.  Godfather of McBonerito.  Progenitor of poems (19) and children (30). 

Chan Marshall
Involuntary spokeswoman. 

Stephen Foliglio
Judge, jury, executioner. 

The Sheffield Lake Girl
Babe.  Long legs, short shorts, smoker, drinker, mother. 

Mr. Sniffles
Pet. Vicious, evil, paranoid, delusional.  Leans republican. 

Dino
Nemesis blogger.  Greek.  Has ponytail.  Plays soccer. 

Cressica
Big game hunters, drinking partners, bad influences.  Not the godparents. 

Spronk
Geek. Baker. Babysitter. Can be corrupted.  Her leftover lunch sits in our fridge.

McBoners 
Raison d'être 

RESIDENCIES

Brandon - Oudist

Than - Aquarist

Darin - Musicologist

Nikki - Chef 

FORCES OF GOOD 

Cleveland
Promised Land. 

Akron
Home base. 

Indians, Cavaliers, Browns, Monsters
1964 and counting. 

Gin
Elixir of life, source of power. 

Birds
Meditative, melodic.  Bonk into windows. 

Bob Dylan
Patron saint. 

Pee-wee Herman
Court jester. 

FORCES OF EVIL 

Mayonnaise
Wrecker of sandwiches, salads, humanity. 

Squirrels
Remorseless problem solvers.  Eat food meant for birds. 

George Steinbrenner
Sauron 

Yankee Stadium
Mordor 

New York Yankees
Orcs 

GOP
All that's wrong with __________________. 

McDonald's
Death camp for food.  Cheap, unhealthy, atrocious. 

PARTS OF SPEECH

Noun: contraction of Stabbone and McGraw, name of blog - Welcome to McBone!

Verb: the act of reading McBone - Yesterday I McBoned for 5 hours straight.

Noun: one who McBones - I'm a McBoner.

Adjective: a McBone-like state of being - That sandwich with no mayo was McBoneriffic!

Gerund: McBoning as noun - Let the McBoning begin!

We hope this handy roadmap will prove useful as you steep yourself in the edifying tides of McBone.  Use it wisely and remember, in South Dakota it is illegal to McBone and drive.

nwb



*I ripped this idea off one of my partner bloggers, but that's love and theft for you.