Wednesday, September 24, 2014

James Williams, 1914-2014

If you're going spend 99 years living on this Earth, do it like this man did: full of peace, love and happiness.

Grandpa, you are the ultimate Gentleman. What a privilege it was knowing you for 15 years. I'm proud that your last name is my son's first name, and I'm grateful the McBonerito got to spend some time soaking up your presence.

We should all be so lucky in our latter years to have the towering love and care that these two magical people gave him.

Indeed, the love connection between Grandpa, his granddaughter and great-granddaughter was epic and profound, incredible to witness and a reminder of how relations among kin ought to be.

Grandpa, you blessed the world with your light for 99 years. Now go share it with the rest of the universe.


Thursday, September 11, 2014

Bodies and Rubble

A country that can find the cash to wage a 10-year, $2 trillion campaign against an imaginary enemy but can't afford to feed its poorest families has no moral compass.

We know that airstrikes in Syria won't make anything better. What we can realistically expect is more bodies and rubble and animosity against us. And yet here we go again, writing another check to the weapons manufacturers.

The American occupation of the world must end.


Thursday, September 4, 2014

The End of Innocence

Until tonight, I had no beef with any of my sometimes-popular wife's parenting tactics:


Yes, it's shocking. Yes, it's scandalous. But let's be honest for a second: this really is my failing as a dad. My job was to protect him. Instead, I sanctioned this atrocity by agreeing not just to let it happen, but to record the event for posterity.

The boy has a good heart. I'm sure he'll forgive me one day.

Don't know if I can forgive myself.


Friday, August 15, 2014

Presenting Santiago José

My sometimes pregnant popular wife has done it again. Please join McBone in welcoming Santiago José to the greater McBoniverse.

Official Baby Statistics (McBone certified)
Weight: 7 lb. 1 oz.
Length: 20.25 in.
Time of birth: 8:12 AM, 07/5/14 (more on that date later)

Let's get this out of the way: this kid was born with the worst haircut I've ever seen. One month later and I'm still not sure what he's thinking, trying to mask a receding hairline with a stringy, inefficacious combover. Add in elements of a mullet, '80s punk-spike, Spock sideburns, and an over-the-ear job reminiscent of the dad from Silver Spoons and you've got some kind of postmodern mess on your hands.

Aside from that, my first impression of SJ was that we had created an adorable blend of my wife and wrestling great Gorilla Monsoon.

Behind the Name

We wanted to choose a Spanish name to reflect the kid's Venezuelan heritage. Santiago, or Saint James in English, has no significance to us other than we like the sound of it. Also, there is this Michigan beer that I unwittingly picked up a few months ago...

...that served the purpose of 1) tasting great (5.0 McBones) and 2) reinforcing that our choice of first name was indeed the right choice, which is what a good beer should do.

José is of course the name of the boy's maternal grandfather, my father-in-law, who, at any given moment may be blazing trails in stem cell research or making himself the life of the party.

Also, Joseph (technically Hovsep, or Յովսէփ, in Armenian) was the name of my great grandfather, whose adventures in life merit a blog post of their own someday.

Regarding the birth

My wife is my hero. She's a first-rate gal on any given day, of course, but as I watched her push our boy into the world for 17 hours, I kept thinking: we men who gleefully inseminate our spouses do not appreciate enough what they do in growing and birthing our offspring, and we can never really make up for the beautiful ordeal that is pregnancy. After having the McBonerito plucked from an incision in her belly, she wanted to avoid a C-section this time around. She got her wish, and I'll never forget the sight of that slimy seven-pound person popping head-first into the world.


The kid seems to have a patriotic streak. Labor commenced on July 4th, our day of independence,

Old Glory
Bald Eagle
Washington - Hero of Independence

and concluded on July 5th, Venezuela's day of independence.

Bandera de Venezuela
Bolívar - Héroe de Independencia

It occurred to me that his name could be slightly more befitting this coincidence of birth date and parental heritage, something star-spangled, something that would unite the uneasy bedfellows that are the USA and Venezuela, but then we concluded that raising him on this street would be a significant enough gesture:

With this little Michigander joining a Buckeye, an honorary Buckeye and a Hoosier, our family has a decidedly Midwestern flavor. We shall endeavor to live our lives in a manner that is worthy of this magnificent tri-state area.

Santiago*, little Patriota, if you ever get around to reading this brief history, allow me to reiterate here that your first hairstyle was the worst I've ever seen. Incidentally, I love you, kiddo. Always have. Always will.


*This instance marks the last time I will ever use his real name on this site. We're hard at work seeking an appropriate nickname. Suggestions are welcome.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Ian Malcolm Was Right. So Was Ron Swanson

McBone Outpost #5996 features a rather ordinary, run-of-the-mill, long-neglected basketball hoop.

But this hoop houses a secret.

A reedy, chirping chorus tipped me off. As did a scolding mother wren.

I had to climb a ladder and peek inside, of course.

Take a closer look.

Closer still. These five little house wrens look about ready to leave their nest of twigs and steel.

Life finds a way.  Nature is amazing.


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

I Haven't Forgotten You, Moms

These are the two most amazing women I know:

Without them, I don't know where I would have ended up. Certainly not in a beautiful Michigan house, sitting on a comfortable sofa, sipping bourbon from a crystalline glass.

My sometimes-pregnant wife, obviously, is not my mother. She is, however, the mother of my sons.

This one:

And this one:

Watching her mothering skills in action only reinforces what I've known for almost 15 years: marrying this woman was the best decision I've ever made. She is also probably the only person in the world (sorry ladies) who could ever talk me into fathering a third child, which is why I've gone ahead with measures to sterilize myself while she is out of town.

My actual mother had three children of her own. She did a fine job with all three, but by my reckoning, the middle child is the one she got just right. I would like to add that she has put as much work into this new house as its occupants. That's why we've set her up with a basement suite, where she can rest her weary bones.

Mother's Day has come and gone, but a love note to a mom is always timely, so let me just say: Hey Mothers, I love you!


Thursday, May 8, 2014


My last few words on Issue 7 for those have followed along about this crucial Issue that just passed on Tuesday here in Cleveland:

1.) Thank you for your patience as I flooded your social media channels with Issue 7 posts and campaigning. I understand that this Issue may have not been relevant to some of you, some of you were against it, and others have no interest in seeing politics on Facebook. We can now return to my regularly scheduled posts on how great Cleveland is.

2.) THANK YOU to the city of Cleveland and residents of Cuyahoga county for believing in what we are building towards, and sharing our optimism about the future of this incredible place. This issue wasn't just about our sports teams, it was about continuing the momentum we have finally started to see downtown. Together we will build a stronger city that all of us that live, work and play here can be proud of. Clevelanders have ALWAYS been strong, and CLEVELAND will soon be stronger than ever.

3.) These last few months that I have been involved with Issue 7 have been an incredible journey of personal growth and development for me. I am very grateful for the opportunity to have been a part of this process, and I learned a great deal about myself in a very short amount of time. I am thankful to be a part of an organization that is heavily invested in our civic responsibilities. Thankful that I work for a company that shares my passion to help bring this city back to life, and invest time, money and resources to do so. Learning and personal growth most often come when you are forced out of your comfort zone, and this campaign certainly provided that forum for me. I am as energized and motivated as ever to represent all the good that Cleveland has to offer, and be a part of all the great things to come.

Now that the issue is behind us I hope that we can all come together and focus on the positive momentum we have built. I hope that we can use that optimism to work together and tackle other more important issues that desperately need our energy. Politics have a way of creating barriers, walls and separation, but the essence of Cleveland has always and will always be in the strength of the people that live here. We all want to see our city reach it's potential and we all must continue to work together to make that happen. There is no greater force on this planet than a group of people united by a common goal, and there is no better place to make that a reality than right here - Where the people are strong...the people are resilient...the people are prideful...and the people are passionate. The future of the city is in our hands, and I have never been more optimistic for what the future holds. Soon, Cleveland will by synonymous with progress. CLEVELAND has, does and will always, ROCK!


Friday, May 2, 2014

House of Destiny

My sometimes-pregnant wife was born in 1977.

So was this house:

Today is my wife's birthday.

Today is the day we close on the house.

Coincidences? Nahhh.

Happy birthday, baby. I love you. Let's go own a house.