Monday, January 18, 2010

Worse than Diarrhea

You know folks, diarrhea is terrible.  I don't think I'm alone in that opinion.  At best, it makes you feel like hot coals and hand grenades are traveling through your digestive tract.  At worst, it will dehydrate and kill you.  Diarrhea is a sometimes hours-long meditation on acute pain and suffering.  The feeling is unmistakable and you know that, while it's happening, you'd sacrifice anything to stop it.  Still, for all the woes associated with diarrhea, there are worse things out there. The following is a nightmare list made up of things that, to my mind, are possibly more awful than even really bad diarrhea.

Glenn Beck's commentary is worse than diarrhea.

Sarah Palin's worldview is worse than diarrhea.

Glenn Beck interviewing Sarah Palin is worse than diarrhea.

Carbon emissions and climate change are worse than diarrhea.

Hence the energy industry, its lobbyists and all those who convoked at Copenhagen this year are worse than diarrhea.

War, nukes, preemptive invasion and the military industrial complex are all worse than diarrhea.

Poverty makes diarrhea sound fun.

Our health care system is defenseless against diarrhea.

Executive bonuses are giving us all diarrhea.

The minimum wage laughs in the face of diarrhea.

Wal-Mart is comparable to the worst kind of explosive diarrhea.

I don't know what mortgage-backed securities and credit default swaps are, but I have a strong feeling they're worse than diarrhea.

Nationalism and jingoism--Yuck!  I'll take the diarrhea.

Just thinking about religious fundamentalism gives me diarrhea.

I could go on and on, but you get the point.  Diarrhea is bad, but it's not forever.  All the stuff on this list are just big, nasty, borderline cataclysmic bouts of diarrhea.  They're ugly, they're wrong, they smell terrible, and they aren't very pleasant to be around, but they too don't have to be forever.



wife of Dave said...

You forget the latest diatribe by Anne Coulter

Kid Shay said...

When you're sitting in your Chevy and you feel something heavy...

Slider K. Shaftacular said...

Glenn Beck interviewing Sarah Palin IS worse than diarrhea. We categorize it in the medical field as something called "butt pee".

Andrew said...

No pain, no strain,
Just sit and let it drain

Andrew said...

Some people think it's funny
But it's really think and Glenn Beck

Andrew again said...

No, not think, thin. Think and Glenn Beck don't belong in the same sentence.