Sunday, July 24, 2011

You Win, Boehner

Speaker Boehner,

You've made it abundantly clear in recent negotiations (or lack thereof) with the White House that you do not represent the destitute, the sick, the elderly, the middle class, the working class or minorities.  By my calculations (and I'm an accounting clerk), that makes up all but a microfraction of the US population.

So, I have to assume that your congressional home base is populated by tycoons.  Is that right?  Is your constituency made up of executive VPs and CEOs?  Is the 8th District of Ohio a haven for oil barons, investment bankers and defense contractors?  Do the 400 richest Americans who suckle at the teat of the American populace all reside in western Ohio?

Of course fucking not, which makes you an absolute and irredeemable wanker!

You need to explain why only those who can't afford it are being asked by your party to make a sacrifice.  How's that?  Raising taxes is a job killer?  OK, fair enough.  We'll make you a deal: for the time being, you win.  The richest Americans will be excused from a modest Clinton era tax hike.  However, failure of the unemployment rate to drop 50% by the end of 2012 will bump you into a somewhat beefier, Eisenhower era tax hike.

Top Marginal Tax Rate

Current - 35%

Clinton - 39.6%

Eisenhower - 92.0%

Ouch!  How's that for an incentive?  I think you can agree that this seems a pretty surefire way to ensure that the job creators actually create jobs.

So what do you say?  Sound reasonable?  Good!  Ready?  Then shake hands with Obama, cut spending, raise the goddam debt ceiling and let the trickle down begin!

Oh, and on a side note, please lay off the eyeliner.  Not that we object, but it sends a confusing message to LGBT communities, which you also do not represent.


Rock McGraw



Kid Shay said...

I have a good feeling about this.

Slider K. Shaftacular said...

Why do you hate America?