Saturday, May 14, 2011

Michael Boltonnaise

A package was delivered to me at work this past week.  It contained a giant tub of 'extra heavy' mayonnaise decked out with pictures of Michael Bolton.  Also included was a box of bendy straws.  This was clearly a message from our mayonnist ememies, who are coming at us with a full arsenal of all the world's worst stuff.

Let this be my answer: I will not be intimidated and I will not back down.  I enjoy a bendy straw as much as the next guy, but I certainly will not drink from your jug--piping hot off the FedEx truck--of disgusting white sludge.

We categorically reject your preferred condiment and musician.



Darin said...

It's almost an oxymoron that the light rock singer would sponsor extra heavy lard from lardy things. I would assume that Michael Bolton would be associated with the light mayo while Ozzy Osbourne or Kiss (neither shy away from a sponsorship) would be on the bottle of extra heavy mayo.

McBone said...

How right you are. Real Michael Boltonnaise would be thin, watery, colorless and utterly without flavor.