Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Go Maggot Brain

My sometimes-popular wife ditched me this week for a conference in Atlanta.  I'm positively crawling out of my skin over here.  Channeling my old man (and a little Phil Collins), I've been repeating these phrases in the hope they might motivate me to stop being such a pathetic loser and get some fucking work done:

Be a man

Man up

Sack up

Grow a pair

Shut up and get me a goddam beer

You're no son of mine

Nothing yet, but I'm thinking of adding gin into the mix.  If that fails, I might try putting on some of her clothes.  Wish me luck!  I don't want to spend the next few days picking scabs.

Oh, and in the event you don't hear from me over the the next few days, can someone please swing by?  If you find me crouched and wild-eyed in the corner, all that means is I've gone feral for a second.  Just toss a couple of pork chops on the floor and I should be good to go until Saturday.

nwb

3 comments:

Mari Ani said...

LOL. Take a picture if you put on her clothes. hahaha :)

Kid Shay said...

When Isis is away I make my signature dinner: eggs and rice. Drizzle on soy sauce to make things interesting.

You should take advantage of this time to remove the girlier objects from your house. Hummel figurines, "Bless this Mess" cross stitch.

Slider K. Shaftacular said...

Note to Kid Shay: Garfield mugs are extremely girly.

NWB: You should do what I do when my wife is away and shop for more dogs.