Monday, April 4, 2011

A Bloated Stinking Maggoty Corpse of a Ballpark

You need more than two asses in the seats, fellas.
Hey Dolans, how did you enjoy those 8,000 fans littering the once proud ballpark known as Jacob's Field?  Did that come as a shock?  Or did you expect such tiny crowds for opening weekend of the season against your division foe White Sox?  Is this what you envisioned when you decided to buy one of the most popular and exciting teams in the American League?  A yawning stadium filled with only the most ardent and masochistic of devotees?

Let me put it to you another way: do revel in being hated by millions?  Because you are, and that includes yours truly.

Yeah, yeah, I know it's not a level playing field.  I've blogged about it before.  But here's the thing: see, when you invest nothing in your team, when your payroll keeps shrinking, when your big free agent signing, for the second consecutive season, is Austin Kearns, your fans begin to feel alienated.  They see an ownership group that doesn't give a good goddam about winning, and they stop coming downtown.  Can you guess who else this hurts?  Local businesses.  That's right, it's not just about your bottom line, guys.

I know there's been some bad luck mixed in there.  Grady Sizemore can't stay healthy.  Travis Hafner stopped 'roiding.  Shit happens.  I get it.  Hey, you know who else had bad luck?  The Cavs.  In the midst of a historically bad season, fans come to the arena.  Why?  Because Dan Gilbert gives them hope with his words and his wallet.  Wonder why the helpless, hapless, hopeless Browns keep packing them in season after futile season?  Maybe because the owner isn't afraid to open the purse strings.  Randy Lerner doesn't win, but fans see he is committed to winning, nevertheless.

And anyway, isn't it true that you make your own luck?  Because trading two Cy Young-winning lefties in consecutive years is a good way of injecting some serious bad karma into a situation.  It also shows a pretty firm commitment to losing.  I mean, in terms of absurdity, isn't that sort of the Cleveland equivalent of trading Babe Ruth for cash to fund a Broadway musical?  At least the musical got good reviews.  Not so sure about the players we got for C.C and Cliff.

Yes, it's a mess you've made, but you know what the funny thing is, Dolans?  As much as we hate you, we'd love the chance to forgive you.  So what do you say, buhzillionaires?  You can't ride a near miss in 2007 forever.  How about throwing us fans a bone?  We don't want to live through another 1955-1994, so let's pump some goddam cash into the team!  That'll get the turnstiles turning, the hot dogs selling, the beer flowing and the fans cheering.  Come on!  Do yourselves and Cleveland a favor and revive that dead venue on the corner of Carnegie and Ontario.




Anonymous said...

Hell, Nate, you could always have it the other a guy 141 million to find out he'll be your consistent #7 hitter for the next seven years! (Not to mention betting against yourself to get this prolific #7 hitter & then justifying the acquisition as a BIG TIME player from a small market team).

MLB & Big Market's fannnntastic!

All these Indians need is a nice big three game sweep of the Red Sox. The way the Rangers manhandle 'em you just might be able to pack that stadium this weekend.


Slider K. Shaftacular said...

You know my feelings on this. I very much agree with you.

From what I saw this weekend, I think Carlos Santana's going to be a good one.

Matt LaPorta? Maybe not.