Tuesday, September 7, 2010
First Day of School, A Recap
7:45 - Picked up by bus. Finds suitable seating. Orders dweeby kid to 'make like a tree.'
8:30 - Confronted by bully demanding milk money. Breaks bully's face.
8:32 - Surrenders brass knuckles at metal detector.
8:35 - Enters classroom. Empties mayonnaise packets into teacher's coffee.
8:45 - Answers 'that's my name, don't wear it out' during roll call.
8:51 - Learns how to make 'cootie catcher' from new friend. Fails to catch cooties.
9:00 - Bout of ennui during sing along.
9:01 - Samples crayon. Enjoys taste but not texture.
9:24 - Climbs up on desk. Demands Mumia be freed.
9:30 - Draws pentagram with fingerpaint.
9:42 - Probes nasal cavities.
9:48 - Contracts head lice from neighboring kid.
9:49 - Transmits head lice to neighboring kid.
10:05 - Colors outside the lines.
10:07 - Impromptu poem employs the word 'fart.'
10:10 - Sent to the corner to think about it.
10:30 - Recites poem during snack time. Multiple noses spray milk.
10:31 - Sent to principal's office.
10:40 - Denounces principal as 'philistine.'
10:45 - Yawns during paddling.
10:53 - Escorted to exit by security. Tells guards to take their mother$%@*ing hands off her.
10:54 - Smashes trophy case with elbow, pulls fire alarm, laughs maniacally, vows revenge.
An auspicious debut like this has us all wondering what's in store for little sister on her own first day of school.