All Over. Sausage Patties Win!

When it comes to breakfast meats, Americans don't fuck around. We want it greasy, we want it salty, we want it hot, and we want it right now. Nothing exemplifies these virtues more than the sausage patty, as McBoners everywhere know. So give it to us whole hog or you can shove it up your ass!

In honor of its recent and sweeping victory by the newly crowned King of Breakfast Meats, we would like to list a few of the ingredients that have been cranked through a grinder, stuffed into a tube, shipped to your grocer's freezer and, finally, fried up in a cast-iron skillet.

Pork
Salt
Black pepper
Red pepper
Sage
Artificial smoke flavor
Monosodium glutamate
Offal
Shredded newspaper
Mice
Rats
Cigarette butts
Cockroaches
Cartilage
Barf
Stray cats
Possum
E. coli
Jagged metal
Bubble gum
Orphans
Hobos
Drifters
Prostitutes
Migrant workers

nwb