All Over. Sausage Patties Win!

When it comes to breakfast meats, Americans don't fuck around. We want it greasy, we want it salty, we want it hot, and we want it right now. Nothing exemplifies these virtues more than the sausage patty, as McBoners everywhere know. So give it to us whole hog or you can shove it up your ass!

In honor of its recent and sweeping victory by the newly crowned King of Breakfast Meats, we would like to list a few of the ingredients that have been cranked through a grinder, stuffed into a tube, shipped to your grocer's freezer and, finally, fried up in a cast-iron skillet.

Pork
Salt
Black pepper
Red pepper
Sage
Artificial smoke flavor
Monosodium glutamate
Offal
Shredded newspaper
Mice
Rats
Cigarette butts
Cockroaches
Cartilage
Barf
Stray cats
Possum
E. coli
Jagged metal
Bubble gum
Orphans
Hobos
Drifters
Prostitutes
Migrant workers

nwb

It's a Dead Heat!

With only three days left to vote, the heavily favored bacon and sausage patties have surged to the lead, leaving behind dark horses steak, ham, and an apparently inferior form of sausage, links. Bringing up the rear are pork chops, catfish, and, in a surprisingly poor performance from our neighbor to the north, Canadian bacon.

Who will emerge the winner in the great breakfast meat debate? Will bacon sizzle and spatter its way into the lead? Do patties have enough spice to get them to the finish line? Only time, and the McBoners, can tell.

Drawing from a vast, international pool of voters, this poll is by all means definitive, absolute and incontrovertible.

nwb