Monday, July 6, 2009

Fifty Ways You Can Accurately Describe Mayonnaise

Legend has it that, moments after signing the Declaration of Independence, Button Gwinnett of Georgia took ill and collapsed. After languishing for three days in agony (though calling all the while for freedom from oppression and a BLT on wheat), Gwinnett succumbed at the young age of 42. Subsequent autopsies revealed that the left ventricle of the statesman's heart was filled nearly two-thirds of the way with mayonnaise.

Two hundred and thirty-three years later, we still we haven't kicked the habit. With the fireworks of July 4th come and gone and so many digestive systems contending with those extra helpings of potato salad, it's time once again to reflect on just how disgusting Mayonnaise is. Tragically, the White Menace remains legal in all fifty states. In protest, here are fifty ways you can describe mayonnaise and other mayonnaise-based products.

1. Gross
2. Disgusting
3. Nauseating
4. Revolting
5. Atrocious
6. Sickening
7. Rank
8. Vomitritious
9. Heinous
10. Vile
11. Abominable
12. Crap-tastic
13. Noxious
14. Offensive
15. Execrable
16. Horrendous
17. Repugnant
18. Unholy
19. Satanic
20. Repulsive
21. Foul
22. Appalling
23. Despicable
24. Contemptible
25. Icky
26. Evil
27. Odious
28. Unappealing
29. Malodorous
30. Nasty as fuck
31. Objectionable
32. Putrescent
33. Reprehensible
34. Depraved
35. Slimy
36. Unappetizing
37. Awful
38. Unclean
39. Toxic
40. Inhumane
41. Greasy
42. Ghastly
43. Grotesque
44. Immoral
45. Sulfurous
46. Unconstitutional
47. Vulgar
48. Base
49. Uncouth
50. Abhorrent



Kid Shay said...

Do we know if Chan Marshall hates mayonnaise?

Nate and Jeff Bowler, Co-Captains said...

She and Rashida Jones both despise the stuff.


Kid Shay said...