Stabbone and McGraw: Getting the Lead Out

Monday, January 31, 2011

Getting the Lead Out

How anticlimactic that a Pakistani-made candy bar calling itself Nuclear Sludge (a member of the exclusive Toxic Waste brand of gourmet confections) has been recalled by Indianapolis candy company, Candy Dynamics, because it contains dangerous amounts of the most mundane of all toxins: lead.

Is that all you got, Pakistan? Lead? C'mon, you're a nuclear state. Where's my depleted uranium? Where's my plutonium? Hell, I'd settle for trace amounts of iodine-131. Screw anemia; I'm talking leukemia!

Anyway, someone already cornered the market on lead, so deliver the radioactive goodness or knock off the phony advertising.

nwb

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The Legend of Stabbone and McGraw

In 1967 the world's most powerful criminal super-genius, Stabbone, stole ten trillion dollars worth of gold boullion. Police, baffled as to the whereabouts of Stabbone's purported impenetrable underground lair, called on top investigator Rock McGraw to crack the case. Working tirelessly day after day, McGraw eventually tracked Stabbone to an abandoned latex mask factory. While McGraw radioed the boys for backup, Stabbone made his daring escape. In the chaos that ensued, both disappeared. Thirty years later, the case of Stabbone and McGraw remains a mystery, though some say that McGraw remains undercover, in relentless pursuit of his evil arch-nemesis.