Hey, 20-year-old dudes from the greater Lafayette, Indiana area, would you please quit rear ending me when I'm stopped at a traffic light? That would be super!
Not that my rear bumper wasn't already all jacked up. Alex's little collision with our cement-anchored mailbox already took care of that a few months back. Honestly, I really don't care about the bumper; it's just that getting rear-ended sucks, and tonight was the second time in two months that a 20-year-old Lafayette kid slammed into the McBonemobile. She can't take much more of this, dudes, and you know what? Neither can I. See, I have this thing about getting killed in a traffic accident...I don't want to be. Nor do I have any desire to be crippled, maimed or mutilated because of your apparent inability to apply the brakes at the appropriate time. Tip: if you see a car waiting at a red light in front of you, it makes sense to stop before a collision happens, not because a collision happens. That's just good driving etiquette, and you'll live longer too. Don't try to give me any crap about not having seen me, either. I know for a fact that the McBonemobile's cloaking device was switched off.
Listen, I know that text you were reading when you rear-ended me was really important. Probably someone was letting you know that your father's quadruple bypass went well and that he's expected to pull through. Or maybe you were in the middle of breaking up with your girlfriend/boyfriend. I don't know and frankly that's none of my business. All I know is that it would be appreciated by your fellow drivers and my aching neck if all you Lafayette driving dudes could maybe pull over the next time you have to use your portable device in the car.