Thursday, March 18, 2010

Where the Fuck is My Fucking Coffee?!?

All right, I know I had a goddam pound of coffee in the kitchen.  I know cause I brewed some last night.  The bag was practically full.  Now I can't find it.  I'm officially fucked.

How the hell am I supposed to write tonight?  I have about a billion pages of this textbook I need to crank out in the next few days and it sure ain't getting done without coffee.  I've torn the kitchen apart looking for this goddam fucking douchebag coffee, but it's just gone.  What the hell happened?  A bag of coffee don't just sprout legs and walk off, does it?  DOES IT???

What's that?  Calm down, you say?  I AM CALM.  Calmness isn't helping me find my coffee.

Drink tea?  Tea doesn't do it.  Never has, never will.  Fuck tea.

Maybe I need to cut down if not having coffee affects me so much?  Bite my ass.

Now I have to drive all the way to the fucking store. 

nwb

3 comments:

Kid Shay said...

Try Red Bull. It makes your head feel like there's a nest of bees inside.

Kathy T. said...

get the gin bottle back out --- you won't remember that you didn't do the work.

Slider K. Shaftacular said...

My favorite textbooks have always been the ones where about a billion pages were written over the course of 3-4 days.