Every day the McBone mailroom receives thousands of letters. Several hundred of them come from beleaguered fans wondering the same thing: whatever happened to the Northern Ohio Moustache League? Good question. Our answer? Nothing. And that's just the problem.
Indeed the NOML seemed to go on permanent vacation after the controversial conclusion of the 2006 Moustache Growing Championship. Nate Bowler, the reluctant winner, accepted his championship trophy only with the promise that he would have the chance to defend his tainted crown the following year. Jeff Bowler, meanwhile, went into hiding after his humiliating forfeit, and has not been seen in public since. Neither of the erstwhile contestants are reputed to be sporting moustaches currently, and the championship remains on hiatus.
Well, officials at the NOML's parent organization, McBone, Inc., want to assure everyone that the NOML is alive and kicking, and what better way to resuscitate the floundering league than by reviving one of its most popular institutions, the NOML Moustache Hall of Fame?
To commemorate the resurgence of the moustache in northern Ohio, we have nominated five candidates for induction to the hall. And here is where you come in, gentle McBoners, for it is you who will decide which moustache will be immortalized in 2008.
Your nominees are:
Goose Gossage - The all-star relief pitcher is already a member of the Baseball Hall of Fame. Now the Goose tries to join an even more elite company in '08. (Note: Gossage's association with the vile New York Yankees will not be taken into consideration).
Wyatt Earp - The American lawman, gambler and saloon keeper most famous for the gunfight at O.K. Corral figures prominently in wild west lore. Accordingly, his moustache is the stuff of legend.
Hulk Hogan - While the professional wrestler has played both hero and villain in his long and storied career, his moustache has remained constant. Ever blonde, the coloring of his fu manchu is every bit as authentic as his sport.
Albert Einstein - While busy thinking up the theory of relativity and winning the Nobel Prize, Einstein still found the time to groom what is perhaps the finest moustache in all of modern science.
Friedrich Nietzsche - The philosopher/poet changed the course of western thinking forever. His moustache, like his writings, remains a critical influence.
Worthy candidates all, but the NOML Moustache Hall of Fame only has room for one. Whose portrait will hang among the original ten inductees? Think long and hard, McBoners, and choose the moustache you deem most worthy. Polls will close at midnight, July 31.
Thank you for your continuing support of the NOML.