Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Oscar Fight

I didn't know what I was getting into when I casually asked the McBonerito what was up with the button.  He answered that, as if it wasn't obvious enough, he was wearing the button because he hates George Double-U Fucking Bush.

I said something about holding grudges and sour grapes and playing the 'blame Bush' game like everyone else, but he was having none of it.  Bush gets blamed, he answered, 'cause Bush fucked shit up.

I asked him if the button wasn't just a little passe, a little 2001?  He told me that he didn't wear it in 2001 because in 2001 he Wasn't. Fucking. Born.

Well, I was a bit put off by his liberal use of the f-word and I suppose I should have quit while I was ahead, but I had to know and so I asked: Well, why the octopus?

He just rolled his eyes and sighed and shook his head and acted like I was the biggest dope alive, so I dropped it.  But I still wasn't sure about the giant glass of wine he had poured himself, and I let him know about it.  Boy, did that set him off.  First he was all defensive and like, what harm in one teensy-weensy little drink?  When I pointed out that the drink wasn't so little, especially for a three-month-old, he really laid into me about how he was just trying to take the edge off, and what a drag it is living with the goddam Gestapo and how he was sure I was going to narc on him to Mom.

I gave him a cursory whatever and left him stewing in his own bile.  Later on he poured me a peace offering and told me he was just pissed cause we didn't let him stay up to watch the Oscars the night before.  He asked me if Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close won anything, because he was going to laugh his ass off if it did.

Hell no, I told him.

We clinked glasses and embraced and promised we wouldn't tell Mom a damned thing.

I love you, son.



Slider K. Shaftacular said...

I'm glad you're not being a pussy and starting your baby on wine coolers first. As a pediatrician, I approve of your parenting.

Darin said...

This is turning into the best baby blog ever.