Saturday, February 4, 2012

Moustache of the Month

Some moustaches are born to inspire:

Others repulse:

Then there is the rare moustache that falls under the category known as 'game changer':

NOML Moustache of the Month - February, 2012

My brother-in-law Jonny unveiled this modern-day masterpiece to the Northern Ohio Moustache League on January 14th.  More than two weeks later, the venerable organization is still scrambling to recover its senses.  The stars realign themselves in the cosmos.  The winds of changes shift.  Not easily is a pioneering blog like the NOML forced to rethink its philosophy of what a moustache can mean, and we do not take lightly a turn of the tides.

This moustache represents a striking dichotomy.  One one hand, the menace it embodies is palpable.  If this moustache could talk, it would say:

-Yeah, we're in New York.  Yeah, this is a Pittsburgh Pirates cap.  What the fuck you gonna do about it?

-Yeah, I just graffitied the living piss out of that truck.  What the fuck you gonna do about it?

-Yeah, I'm about to break that camera, and then I'm gonna use it to break your face.  What the fuck you gonna do about it?

But on the other hand, the inveterate threat in those plunging fu manchus belies a certain humanity.   While one moustache is beating you to within an inch of your life, the other is scooping you up in a gentle, healing embrace.  As red fades to gray, so anger gives way to wisdom.  Youth yields to age.  Good and evil merge.  No, this moustache is not so easily defined; indeed, it wants to usher in a new epoch.  Gone are the days of black or white.  Welcome to the era of black AND white.

Can one moustache say so much?  Can one moustache change the world?  Take a good long look at the photo, McBoners, and you tell me.



Anonymous said...

Your words cut straight to the core of mustache truth. Mcbone, The sick and sublime voice behind the stache.

Anonymous said...

That multi-colored shoehorn of a stache makes my pulse race and my ears twitch. For I long for a stache as gorgeous as yours. You are a god and leader in all things hairy and groomed. As Billy Crystal used to say "you look marvelous."

Jeremy D said...

Beautiful! Like tabasco lava coming out the nose of a Hawaiian god! Like two lit joints dangling with ash at the tip. Lips like a zipline between a pair of redwoods in the Catskills! Wisdom, yes, but New Orleans style: not a salt and pepper moustache, but salt and cayenne pepper!