Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Dem Has the Better Hair

I hate this man.  Yes, hate.  I hate him with a pure, unfiltered, sometimes exhilarating hate.  I hate everything about him, from his phony conservatism to his ad-nauseum professions of faith to his unabashed bigotry to his corn-fed, milk-drinking, ultra-fake nice guy grin.  But what I hate most about this backward thinking corporate shill is his all-too-wholesome fucking haircut, because everything former senator Santorum stands for is encapsulated in that hopelessly white conservative male coiffe.  I can see him reclining comfortably, bashing libs, gays and welfare queens while his nodding barber snips and trims, molding something that on TV will appear so fiercely American, male and straight, straight, straight.

We've seen this phenomenon before in our recent past.

Yes, one is a Pennsylvanian presidential hopeful and the other a governor from Wisconsin, but clearly this is the work of the same foul, two-bit, right wing, bootstrapping, God-fearing barber from deep the heart of Middle America.  No, we are not fooled by alternating side parts.

Gentlemen!  God in his divine mercy will not punish you for sporting a bit of sideburn.

The Republican Party: sensibly groomed, devotedly uncool, fully committed to evil.

Obama 2012.



punkinsmom said...

Boehner has it too, although his forehead is a bit more pronounced.

Kid Shay said...

You know who has better hair than Obama '12? Obama '79.

Slider K. Shaftacular said...

Why do you hate America?