Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Downside of Playing God

In the aftermath of an experiment gone horribly wrong, my brother-in-law is condemned to wander the aisles of a supermarket chain, perhaps in the hope that some sympathetic customer will spirit him home, unscrew him and spoon his creamy insides into a bowl of canned tuna.

Though the cognitive power of an egg and oil-based brain remains unknown, this attempt to wrest the camera from a curious shopper may be linked to a recollection, however faint, of his former life as a prominent nature photographer:

If you should chance upon him and his one gallon (128 fl. oz.) head, please do not to laugh.  Try not to point and do your best not to stare.  Repulsive he may be, but this sad creature is not unfeeling.  He deserves our pity, and our hearts go out to his family.

With an expiration date reading FEB 14 11, my brother-in-law has but to endure a few months more as part man, part mayonnaise.  Nay, do not refrigerate!, lest you prolong this lonely and emulsified form of torment.



Mari ani said...

He can make big money working for the Mayonnaise Industry. or He can even star in movies and be one big product placement. So many options Nate, and I can be his manager :D

McBone said...

He needs to be put down. No use prolonging this tragedy.