Sunday, September 27, 2009

My Epitaph

As a one-time Webelos, I know the value of being prepared.  As a Webelos whose scoutmaster bailed out two months after I signed up, I also know that things can end suddenly.  That's why I thought it a good idea to write my epitaph now.  I've been sort of sketching this thing out in my head for the past twenty years. Why not commit it to paper--as it were--right here at McBone?


Beneath this cold slab of stone lies

 Nathaniel William Bowler

 Aged 119 years

Beloved husband and father, celebrated writer, wine connoisseur, international master spy, bloodthirsty space pirate, discoverer and sovereign King of Planet X, ardent recycler, Olympic gold medal winner in Taekwondo, Rolling Stone contributing columnist, father of modern Bowlerism. Loved by children and friend to animals, he defeated Morduulon the Repulsive in single combat in 2033, saving 13 billion human lives, Mars, Saturn and most of Jupiter.

Died in the bosom of his family, choking on a cocktail onion.

"Whosoever eateth mayonnaise deserveth not to live."


Well, that's it in a nutshell--short and to the point.  I know I'm fudging the facts a bit, but after all, what's a little hyperbole among friends?

nwb

6 comments:

StevenLink said...

You have several years to accomplish these feats. When you do, we'll know that we should have listened to you about everything else, including mayonnaise.

Nate and Jeff Bowler, Co-Captains said...

If none of these things ever come to pass, I will have been right about mayonnaise.

nwb

Kid Shay said...

As a one-time Cub Scout, I can't agree with you more.

Morduulon is sharpening his heart-piercing Space Sword.

Nate and Jeff Bowler, Co-Captains said...

Bring it, Morduulon. Your ass is mine!

nwb

Brigid said...

Love this!

Nate and Jeff Bowler, Co-Captains said...

Brigid,

Thanks! Man, it's been a long time. Maybe we'll all see each other some day, somewhere.

nwb