Sunday, December 14, 2008

A Journey into the Heart of Darkness

To any English major or avid reader of classic literature, the phrase Heart of Darkness probably conjures images of a tiny boat navigating waterways through deepest Africa. In this setting, Joseph Conrad portrays the very worst of the human condition: colonialism, cannibalism, madness, human heads on stakes--all pretty nasty stuff.

But I'm certain that if the author had lived long enough to click on the link below, he would have quickly reassigned his invention to a suburb on a certain island nation in Southeast Asia. Warning! The images and words contained in this site are highly disturbing.

Brace yourself!

While a mayonnaise-rimmed cocktail is an abomayonnation of the highest order--perhaps too ghastly for even Conrad's pen--this atrocity is symptomatic of a far greater problem. Mayonnism in Japan is rampant, nearing epidemic proportions. That a restaurant like the Mayonnaise Kitchen can operate under the protection of the law shows that Japan's moral compass is broken, perhaps irreparably. McBone and the AMA advise extreme caution when visiting Japan. If accosted by a suspected mayora, don't panic. Bow politely and try to extricate yourself from the situation. Remember, mayonnaise offenders are unstable and look for any excuse to uncap their vile condiment. If necessary, deploy your anti-mayonnaise defense mechanism. Should that fail, more drastic measures may be necessary.


Pictured above left: Kewpie is a popular, legal brand of Japanese mayonnaise. Right: a secret cache of unregulated, black market mayonnaise.


Kid Shay said...

In all my studies of Japanese history in college, not once was mayonnaise mentioned. My sleeves are wet with tears over this discovery.

Anonymous said...

I have to visit this wonderfuly delicious restaurant. Yum!