You Know What, Seda Moon? Whatever!

Fine. Whatever. I don't really even care anymore, Seda Moon Bowler Tunick. If you prefer Uncle Jeff to Uncle Nate, that's a-okay with me. I'm over it. I really am.

Because by now it's pretty clear who you like better, and you know what? That's your prerogative, dude. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, and I'm not going to waste my time groveling to someone who couldn't give a flying f---. Pardon my French, but did you plan on ever learning my name? Or was this crap going to go on forever? I mean, I can take a joke as well as anyone, but did you ever hear the expression "enough is enough?" Apparently not.

I mean, is it really that funny? Is it some kind of hilarious gag to you, or do you really not know my name? Either way I find it pretty insulting that you keep calling me "Jeff." It's so obvious to everyone else that Jeff and I are completely different people. Why can't you seem to get it? My guess is that you do get it, and you just can't be bothered to acknowledge me. If that is the case, I wash my hands of it. You remain my niece, but I'm done sucking up, honey. If any ass-kissing is going to be done, it's you who is going to be doing the smooching, not me, so pucker up, sweetheart.

And now that your sister Isla Sun has been born, I don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm sure she'll be perfectly happy to have an uncle like me, an uncle named Nate. That's NATE! As in N-A-T-E. How do you like that, kid? Huh? Not so funny now, is it, Miss The-World-Loves-Me-Because-I'm-An-Only-Child? No, those days are long gone, and I, for one, say good riddance.

So go ahead, you little so-and-so. Keep calling me Jeff. Call me Jeff till the cows come home, for all I care. I'm past it, on to bigger and better things. You won't catch me complaining ever again. I'm not jealous and I sure as hell am not bitter. Nope. You'll get no such satisfaction from me.

Love,

Uncle Not Jeff!!!!