Tuesday, November 18, 2008

McBone Presents: The 2008-09 Aunt and Uncle Standings

Another year gone by, another year of aunting and uncling in the books. As expected, several solid performances were turned in, while others were somewhat wanting. Like always, the Aunt and Uncle Standings were compiled by a nonpartisan panel of nieces and nephews (me). Results are based on a full, twelve-month year of aunting and uncling and are in no way influenced by last year's standings.

Aunts

1. Ann - Aunt Ann's meteoric rise to the top will no doubt raise suspicions in rival aunts concerning a certain hot apple pie that was delivered to McBone HQ earlier this year.
2. Susan
3. Fay
4. Gail
5. Denise
6. Susan Good - Though recent revelations that she has been a longtime member of the Republican Party, the NRA and the Church of Scientology were not enough to cause such a shocking and catastrauphic fall, Aunt Sue has been unable to live down a quote that has dogged her since election night: I f---ing hate Obama.

Uncles

1. Glen - His understated yet rock-solid uncling skills have him back on top after an uncharacteristically poor showing in '07. Uncle Glen's accomplishment is even more impressive in light of the recent erratic behavoir of his wife, whom he has called a loose cannon and unstable.
2. Don Sims (no longer in family)
3. Pete
4. Al
5. Jeff
6. Ed
7. Don Holm - Uncle Don's patented brand of poor uncling has him mired in last place for the 18th consecutive year. His habit of dipping the mayonnaise knife into the mustard jar has only worsened in his advanced age, and should keep him glued to the bottom for the forseeable future.

nwb

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dunno, Nate.

Don't think it's wise releasing the standings before the holdays. You might get shafted!

kb

Nate and Jeff Bowler, Co-Captains said...

Au contraire, my friend. Aunts and uncles live in fear of the yearly standings.

nwb

Anonymous said...

http://littledemocrats.net/Obama.html

Nate, I found a new author for you. His works for children include - Mama voted for Obama, Why Daddy is a Democrat and Why Mommy is a Democrat. These are books even the reclusive Mike the Poet can get behind (they all rhyme).
Heather