Magic and Loss

In the winter of 1996, I came back from winter break to find a yellow Post It on my dormitory room door.  The note had been dashed off in the excited hand of my old concert-going comrade, our resident Musicologist.  It read: 'McGraw, do you want to see Lou Reed in concert this Wednesday?'

When you're in college and you have the choice between seeing Lou Reed in concert, which may never happen again, or attending your Survey of Western Civilization class, which will happen four days a week, every week, you very politely give class the middle finger.  On that holy January day, we made the 4.5 hour journey from Athens, OH to Cleveland's Playhouse Square.  Had it been necessary, we would have driven to Mars.

I had no idea what to expect.  Lou was legendarily unpredictable as a performer, but it soon became apparent that he had left his comatose stage days somewhere back in the 1970s.  Lou was loud, his guitar was growling and his band was tight.  He had ditched the clean-cut, short-hair-and-spectacles look of his late '80s New York period for a glorious full-blown mulleted Afro.  He was the only man alive who could have gotten away with this style in 1996.

I don't remember every last detail from the setlist, but he did several numbers from his Set the Twilight Reeling album: Hooky Wooky, New York City Man, Finish Line and the title track.  He tossed in some classics, of course: Dirty Boulevard, Satellite of Love, Sweet Jane.  When at one point he admonished the audience to 'clap in time,' I would have sworn he was glaring right at me.  Notwithstanding my affront to the proceedings, Lou seemed to be having a pretty good time.

And when, in his second encore, the low twang of the most famous bass line in history started, that's when the crowd lost its marbles.  At last the band made its exit.  The curtain fell with the hall echoing 'Louuuuu.'  Had our rating system existed then, the show would have easily garnered 5.0 McBones.

I never did get to see Lou in concert again, one of the many reasons I count that night among the great blessings of my life.  I'll wager our Musicologist agrees.

Five lessons that Lou Reed taught me:

1) There's more to life than sports.

2) Gender is nonsense.

3) Graduating from college is fun.

4) Drag queens are superheroes.

5) New York is the greatest city in the world.

So here's my sendoff, Lou.  I'm not sure I have anything too profound to say, so I'll just say this:

Good night.

I love you.

I'll miss you.  

Most of all, thanks.  Here's hoping that clipper ship you ordered is waiting.

I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sail the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that
In a sailor's suit and cap
Away from the big city 
Where a man cannot be free
Of all of the evils of this town
And of himself, and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know 

nwb

McBone Hero of the Century

This 16-year-old makes me want to be a better, more tolerant and more passionate person.  I'll teach my children about her one day.  I hope they will look up to her too, and strive toward her example. 

This is not to make Malala a saint.  We don't go for that here at McBone.  What she is is a good and decent young woman, and decency is a heroic trait in these strange days.  Her mission is education, but her wisdom can be spread far and wide.  Right now politicians are fighting over whether our citizens should have access to affordable healthcare.  Our democracy is sputtering.  Demagoguery rules the day.  I wish our leaders could sit down and talk to Malala, hear her story and have it dawn on them just how petty they really are.

Congratulations Malala Yousafzai, 2013 McBone Peace Prize Winner.

nwb

Fuck You, Verdi

Handsome Lou

What the fuck does Verdi know?  Here's what that Schweinehund of an organ grinder had to say about Beethoven's 9th Symphony upon hearing it for the first time:

...marvelous in its first three movements, very badly set in the last. No one will ever surpass the sublimity of the first movement, but it will be an easy task to write as badly for voices as is done in the last movement.

Badly set?  Some aficionado.  Listen, amico, you may have dashed out a competent opera or two, and Beethoven may not have been the OG of vocal works, but when it comes to the most immortal movement of any symphonic work ever composed, you got it exactly wrong.  The first movement is sublime, true enough, and yes the first 3 movements are certainly marvelous, but I can't but pity you, a man of considerable talent, if you somehow didn't get this part.  Here's hoping the choral bit grew on you with time.

Understand, gentle McBoners, that I didn't intend to begin this post with a rant, but darn if that old bearded vulture didn't get my dander up.  What I wanted to do was point out how much space I've dedicated over the years to exalting Bob Dylan, while plugging 'Beethoven' into our search bar turns up precious little.  That seems odd, because Beethoven occupies at least as high a tier in my estimation.  That is to say, he's my co-favorite.

The fact is, I have been listening to less of LvB in recent years.  I don't know if I'll ever recapture the exuberance of discovering the symphonies with our resident oudist (when we probably should have been trying to meet girls), but do I miss having the melodies running through my system at all hours of the day.

Because that's what it was like back then.  Beethoven's phrases wouldn't just rattle around in my head, to be recalled in idle moments or hummed on a whim; they were pervasive, saturating me down to my very last atom.  How magical that at any hour of any day, waking or sleeping, long and complex recitals would be taking place in my brain.

That gift is long absent, and I miss it.

Furthermore, I think it's crazy that I've loved this man's music for more than 20 years, but there remains so much of it I have never even heard, in fact the majority of it.  I've got a fair grasp on the most important stuff.  In the symphonies, piano concertos, piano sonatas and late string quartets I'm well versed.  But I've never listened to his lone opera.  String quintets, cello sonatas, dozens of songs, airs and bagatelles...there are hundreds of works I don't know.  Who would have thought he composed a sonata for French Horn?  I love the fucking French horn!

It has occurred to me: what if I should live my life having never heard my favorite composer's entire canon?  That would be, on a very personal level, a tragedy.  Kind of like if I had never bothered to spin Dylan's Street Legal album.  Perish the thought!

So I'm starting at the beginning.  I'll hear everything ever published and recorded, every Opus, Hess and WoO on any media I can find them.

The journey has begun.  I can tell you that the String Trio in E-flat major (Opus 3) is a minor masterpiece.  Check it out, if you get a chance.  The 9 Variations on a Theme by Dressler (WoO 63) are utterly forgettable.  Check them out anyway!

And yes, I'll listen to the symphonies again.  The long path leads to the 9th.  And when I get there, I will not dwell on Verdi's shortcomings (I like Verdi); I will look for new reasons to love it.  They are there.  First I'm going to try to understand why my grandfather treasured the 3rd movement, so subtle and restrained, above all else.

This is going to be fun.

nwb

CLEVELAND BROWNS FANS! Deep Breath....And Read

Browns Nation was sent into a state of hysteria yesterday with the trading of our number three overall draft pick in 2012, Trent Richardson.  I'm not going to count, but I'm guessing I've exchanged about 200 text messages in the past 12 hours.  Not to mention facebook messages, tweets, and conversations over beers at dinner.  I wonder how many households in Cleveland were discussing this at the dinner table last night?  From 6:00 p.m. yesterday until now how many texts, tweets, and facebook messages have been exchanged?  I would guess millions, because that is just how passionate Browns fans are about their team.

Not that I am really surprised, but most of my close friends have reacted very negatively to this move.  Radio stations and callers on the local sports shows at this point have been fairly split on their opinions.  Same with the media and sports talk show hosts.  However, the people that are on the side of this being a terrible move are absolutely losing their minds in frustration.  Hard to really blame them based on the anger, disappointment and utter exhaustion we've all experienced rooting for this team the last fourteen years. Pouring our pride, passion and money into a franchise that is seemingly in an endless cycle of losing and rebuilding.  I am sure it is very difficult for many Browns fans to truly believe that we will finally emerge from the vicious spiral that Cleveland Browns Football is in.  I've heard so many of the phrases that have become the mantras of Browns fans....."Here we go again", "I can't believe we're back here", "We suck", "Yet another disasterous move made by my Browns",  "I'm done, not wasting another minute or penny on this team"....You get the point.

Browns fans are tough, resilient, stead-fast.  Those characteristics are exactly the reason why it will be difficult for me to curb their emotions right now, or try to get any of you that are angry to see why this was the right move.  That doesn't mean I won't try.  There is hope.  There are reasons for us to be optimistic, and most importantly right now, today....there are 19 reasons why this was absolutely, unequivocally the right move at the right time.....and here they are:

1. Ty Detmer, 0-2.

2. Tim Couch, 22-37.

3. Doug Pederson, 1-7.

4. Spergon Wynne, 0-1.

5. Kelly Holcomb, 4-8.

6. Jeff Garcia, 3-7.

7. Luke McCown, 0-4.

8. Trent Dilfer, 4-7.

9. Charlie Frye, 2-3.

10. Derek Anderson, 16-18.

11. Ken Dorsey, 0-3.

12. Brady Quinn, 1-2.

13. Bruce Gradkowski, 0-1.

14. Jake Delhomme, 2-2.

15. Seneca Wallace, 1-6.

16. Colt McCoy, 6-15.

17. Brandon Weeden, 5-11.

18. Thaddeus Lewis, 0-1.

19. Brian Hoyer, 0-0.

Nineteen quarterbacks that went on to be back-ups or insurance salesmen after their tenure with the Browns. THIS HAS TO STOP, and now it has (we hope!).  You can not win in the National Football League consistently over a period of time unless you have a franchise quarterback.  You have ZERO chance to ever win a Super Bowl unless you have a leader behind center that can make plays in clutch situations. I don't need to expound on this any further because that list above speaks for itself.  This organization can either continue to fester in mediocrity, 5-11 records, and horrendous quarterback play, OR, they can finally have a regime that knows they need to do whatever it takes to get the franchise QB. 

That doesn't make it any easier for us as Browns fans to live through another dreadful season.  Once again, I know how difficult it is to actually believe we have a front office that knows what they are doing.  Everything that has happened for the past decade and a half probably should make us feel exactly the opposite, throw our hands in the air in disgust, and quit on this team. To say, "why is this any different?".....

In my heart, in my mind, I sincerely feel this is different.  They have had nine months to run this team.  I don't love every move they have made but I can name quite a few that I do.  Hiring Chud, Norv and Ray. Signing Bess, Bryant, Kruger, and Groves.  All have played well and will be solid pieces for years to come.  They have acquired 10 picks in the 2014 draft including three in the top 35, and retained cap space and flexibility to sign players next offseason.

MOST IMPORTANTLY - They have finally stood up and made the most significant statement that any front office has made since we've returned.  This season is about one thing: That nothing, and I mean nothing, is more important than acquiring our franchise quarterback.  Certainly there are no guarantees.  They still have to make the right choice and select a QB that  will become the player that we need him to be; but the alternative is another 15 years of meaningless football.  This move, along with others, provide all the proof you need to understand their plan is to lose every single game this season so there is no question they have the #1 or #2 pick.  We all know how much that hurts to think about, and much more painful it will be to watch.  Could we have still had a high draft pick while retaining Trent?  Maybe.  But most likley if you play Trent and Weeden all year (and by playing Trent I mean 20 carries a game), we win four or five games.  Especially considering the progression of our defense.  We can't afford to take that chance.  We can't afford to not do everything in our power to get the QB we need.  That only happens if we pick #1 or #2.  Trent may turnout to be a good player, GOOD PLAYER, but he is not the difference between this franchise becoming a contender.  That happens if and when we finally get the guy behind center that becomes the leader of this team. 

The reward of this whole process is the euphoria we will all feel when this team becomes a winning franchise again for decades to come.  When we have a guy taking the snaps we are actually confident can go out and win us a football game. The risk, of course, is that we continue on the same path.  Wouldn't you take that risk at the chance that we can finally be the football team that we all dream about? 

I'm an optimist, you all know that.  But I have looked at this objectively and I truly believe we are finally on the verge of restoring this franchise to the greatness it once enjoyed. You may think I'm misguided.  That my blind faith is ridiculous. A year from now, two years from now if I'm wrong you can throw it back in my face.  I don't really care because regardless, at the end of the day, I am Browns fan.  I am Clevelander and this is my team.  You can sit around and feel sorry for yourself and be pissed off. Say you're done.  Say this is the same old BS.  Or you can pick your jaw up off the ground and move forward as the die hard, tough, passionate, stead-fast Browns fan that you are.  Every bump in the road, every road block, all the adversity that we've experienced will only make it that much sweeter when we are watching playoff caliber football. Today we are one step closer.  Today I can clearly see the plan laid out by this regime.  We all have the choice to believe it or not.  That's your right as a fan.  As a human being.  But I will be there a year from now when this team drives down the field and our franchise QB throws his first NFL touchdown.  Most importantly I'll know that I never lost faith, that I never left, that I never gave up hope in something that is such a huge part of what makes us Clevelanders.  OUR SPORTS TEAMS!  GO BROWNS BABY!!!  

To the Browns Front Office (Sales & Marketing Team) - Keep your heads up, stay positive and stick together.  You are all going to be a part of something very special, very soon, and the feeling you'll have when you get there will be well worth the journey.  We're behind you.

jab

The Wahoo Chop

I love Cleveland and I love baseball, but watching a team with jerseys and caps adorned with this dumbass image:

play a team whose fans do this fucking thing on a nightly basis:



is pretty hard to take.

After cringing my way through nine innings last night, I had to wonder: why is this kind of stereotyping of Native Americans embraced, when we wouldn't tolerate it for any other race?  Or am I giving people too much credit?  Would most of us be fine if the ballclub in Cleveland changed its name to the Chinks and slapped a smiling, slant-eyed, yellow-skinned buffoon on the hat?  Would we buy the merchandise and wear it with pride?

I like to think not, but the rabidity with which fans defend Wahoo and the Chop makes me wonder.

nwb

Michigan, FTW

Typical Indiana roadside billboard:

Typical Michigan roadside billboard:

I'm in the right state.

nwb

Advantages of Working from Home

Here's a confession I will doubtless be made to regret: I miss my coworkers.  There, you bastards, I said it.  Five years is no small hunk of time to spend each day with more or less the same group of people, and I can say with a straight face that I grew fonder of them as the days went by.  A few times a year, things would get pretty hectic around that old bookstore, but my friends were always there to pick me up.  And of course nothing was better than when Marcelita showed up with some of the good cooking she should be serving at her own restaurant.

That said, you can't beat working from home!  Though I've only been at it for three weeks, the advantages have already begun to reveal themselves:

More time spent with my sometimes-popular wife.

More time with the McBonerito.

25-minute driving commute reduced to 3.5 second walk to office.

Gas-chugging McBonemobile stays parked.

No fucking fax machine.

Record player essential office equipment.

Windows.

Nerfoop brainstorming sessions.

Two hour YouTube breaks.

Three martini lunches.

More festive meetings:

Naps on office futon.

No pants required.

No hygiene required.

Yep, a guy could get used to this real fast.  So, while I lament the absence of the fine folks from Ivy Tech, I think I'll stick with this new gig for a while.

nwb

Got No Beef with Pork

I'm a picky eater.  That is not to say I don't like a lot of stuff.  Unless it's got mayonnaise in it, I'm willing to give most anything a try.  I'm not a health nut, either.  I'll defend the consumption of sugar, salt, milk, cheese and bacon until the day I have a massive coronary, and there is nothing that will convince me that an egg is anything but good for the heart and soul.  Alcohol is my beverage of choice.  Gluten?  I eat it by the bowlful.  I was a vegetarian for almost 5 years.  Been there.  Done with that.

No, when I say I'm picky, it's because I want an ingredient list to look something like this:

Compare that to the Johnsonville brand:

Pork, water, corn syrup and less than 2% of the following: salt, dextrose, spices, extract of paprika, monosodium glutamate, natural flavors, BHA, propyl gallate, citric acid.

I don't want a lot of crap in my food, and I'm not comforted by the 'less than 2%' qualifier.  Keep your propyl gallate the fuck out of my sausage.

Clearly Dr. BEEF'S got it going on, even when it comes to pork.  I can't wait to grill these up tonight with some peppers and onions.

nwb