I just wanted to take this opportunity to show you what five bottles of South American rum look like. Notice how I have lined them up in a row to maximize your viewing pleasure. Also notice my protective posture and a glowering visage that says: mess with my family, if you must, but stay the hell away from my rum! I suppose it's the pirate in me, but when it comes to rum, I can get downright ferocious. See how every muscle in my body is taught and ready to spring like some sort of wild, starving feline. I'm an ocelot, a puma and a jaguarundi all rolled up into one. One false move toward my rum and I'll claw you to ribbons.
You'll also notice that I'm wearing a hat with the word "Cavaliers" embroidered on the front, indicating my loyalty to the Cleveland Cavaliers basketball team. While pirates and cavaliers may be fundamentally at odds, they do share certain common traits, namely a deathly fear of jaguarundis, and a fondness for swords, bonny lasses, and, of course, Venezuelan rum.