Thursday, September 11, 2008

"7 pounds 3 ounces, 21 inches of perfection"

Although Josh Gippin and Shane Wynn went to high school together, they were in fact not high school sweethearts. On the contrary, some might be surprised to learn that, during their two-year acquaintance at Akron Firestone, Josh and Shane sustained a long and mutual loathing of each other. As a nonpartisan bystander, I observed a casual dislike (which, as I recall, erupted over a disputed last hotdog in the lunch line) escalate into a flat-out enmity that would bring the entire school to its knees. The impact of their animosity was far reaching. Firestone was divided into a West Akron equivalent of Bloods and Crips. All were forced to take sides, nerds and jocks alike. Teachers were helpless as rival gangs took over. When negotiations proved futile, all-out war became imminent. Fortunately, graduation intervened. Josh and Shane were college bound. No blood was spilled.

So how was it, you ask, that Josh and Shane reconciled years later and eventually married? I don't really know, but I suspect that beneath all those layers of hate a passion was kindled that for years lay smoldering within their respective bosoms. Josh and Shane reunited not as deadly enemies, but as husband and wife, and today we celebrate the fruit of that union in the form of their first child, Amelia Rose (it remains altogether unclear whether Amelia is a Gippin-Wynn, Wynn-Gippin, Wyppin, or otherwise). Amelia was born on September 7th. Here are her statistics, McBone certified:

Weight: 7 lb. 3 oz.

Length: 21 in.

Time of birth: 8:03 AM

The choice of Amelia recieves the highly desireable McBone Seal of Approval: McB for conjuring imagages of the following people:

Amelia Earhart

Amelie Poulain

Emile Durkheim*

McBone, the NOML, the NIML and the AMA are united in issuing a hearty McBoneulations to Josh and Shane. May their truce endure through the ages, and a healthy, happy and long life to Amelia Rose!


*I have no idea who this is, but he's cool as hell.

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