Mayonnaise. Creamy. Moist. Disgusting.
But where does the White Menace (thank you, Kid Shay, for coining this adept phrase) come from?
France, of course, and if you believe what Wikipedia has to say about the origins of world's worst condiment, you will have, like so many, been deceived. After making a startling discovery, it is my duty to discredit this spurious history.
As many of you know, my sometimes-popular wife and I live in the French city of La Roche-sur-Yon, which translates literally as: The Rock on the Yon River.
Now, the people of La Roche collectively are called the Yonnais. The French language having two genders, and the feminine gender often being declined with an "e" at the end of an adjective, a woman from La Roche is thus called a Yonnaise (see where this is going?). The world ma means "my" when it preceeds a feminine noun and hence the French word mayonnaise can be translated as "my woman from La Roche-sur-Yon."
The creator of mayonnaise was clearly smitten with a Yonnaise woman, and one can only conjecture what kind of woman would inspire such an insipid substance. Such a muse could only have been of the most hideous sort, possessed of a countanance and disposition so grotesque, so heinous and vile that the result was no great culinary masterpiece, but a plague that has for many centuries wreaked havoc on the whole of the civilized world.
I, McBone co-Captain McGraw, was horrified to discover that I live in the birthplace of the great bane. However, I will not let my revulsion overwhelm me. I will not let fear prevail. Rather, I regard this revelation as essential to my undying mission in fighting the White Menace. I have now a critical advantage. I know my enemy and whence it has come, to that place it shall return and perish.
In less significant news: the field of presidential hopefuls in France has been narrowed to two after today's election. The race now stands between ultra right-wing xenophobe scumbag Nicolas Sarkozy and socialist Ségolène Royal. The over 80% turnout was France's highest since 1965, and puts American voter turnout to shame.