The McBone Beer Journal: Two Hearted Ale

They say necessity is the mother of invention. That's especially true of beer. We all need it, and, in fact, life without it hardly seems worth living. British colonists in India knew this truth all too well.

In the olden days before refrigeration, beer exported from England to India would often arrive having skunked or been spoiled by bacteria. As it happens, hops are a natural deterrent to microbes that are fatal to beer. So to remedy this problem and to ensure safe, drinkable supplies of beer to hot, thirsty and increasingly desperate colonists, an ale was crafted with a high alcohol and hop content. India Pale Ale (IPA) was born, and the world would never be the same. Hops may well have been recruited as a preservative, but they also lend a beer a very particular flavor and aroma. The bitter IPA proved a smashing, refreshing success, probably to the chagrin of the native Indians. Who knows? Without IPA, those pesky colonists might have packed up and called it a day. But as this journal entry is devolving quickly into post colonialism, I'll stay on point. Today, in the refrigerated age, some 200 years later, IPA is alive and well, as evidenced by the latest entry in the McBone Beer Journal: Two Hearted Ale.

Like any good brewer, Larry Bell began his enterprise by crafting small batches of beer in a soup kettle. Today Bell's Brewery is a slightly larger operation--exporting to 15 states and in 19 varieties of which Two Hearted Ale is among the most popular. Right now I have a thirst to rival any British colonist, so let's hop to it, shall we?*

I think it best to start with the advantages, and they are many. "Two Hearted" Ale is an obvious reference to the Two Hearted River and, of course, Ernest Hemingway's famous short story. What's more, a bass graces the label. I get it: Michigan, the outdoors, rivers, fishing, Hemingway--these are lofty aims, and what remains is to see if the beer lives up to the premise. Quaking with enthusiasm, I pop the cap.

Two Hearted Ale pours into lovely 1/4 inch head that remains for the duration of the drinking experience. The color, a deep orange, tells me that this is no ordinary IPA. All at once I am beguiled by the distinctly hoppy citrus and floral notes rising to greet me, but I'm not one to waste many words on the nose. The first sip (gulp) does not disappoint. In fact, after a few satisfying swallows, I realize that I'm in the presence of beer excellence. Not greatness, mind you, but excellence. Refreshing, as an IPA should be. Bitter, but just so. Hoppy, but not so aggressively hoppy that the warmer malt undertones are subdued. A very satisfying smack of alcohol, but, again, not obnoxiously so. This is a flavorful, complex and well-balanced beer that I recommend on a hot day or any day whatsoever. I'm sure it must be great with bass, especially one you've just caught yourself.

Two Hearted Ale is well worth the slightly higher price tag (around $8.95 in Indiana) and certainly proves worthy of the label IPA and, indeed, the memory of Hemingway himself.

Rating: 4.5 McBones.

nwb

*I apologize and promise to never use another pun.

The Cleveland Browns: The Most Depressing Team in Sports

Penalties, dropped passes, bad passes, turnovers, horrible clock management, gutless play calling, injuries, equipment malfunction and just general ineptitude. What does it add up to? Yet another loss by the Browns at the hands of the Pittsburgh Steelers--this in a game in which yardage and time of possession stats were nearly identical. Usually, home-field advantage swings games like this in the favor of, well, the home team. Unless that home team is the Most Depressing Team in Sports, the Cleveland Browns.

And by God are the Browns depressing, but their problems against Pittsburgh go way beyond this most recent, Sunday night 10-6 humiliation. Let's look at some of the happy facts in the recent history of this storied rivalry:

-Since their rebirth in 1999, the Browns have earned exactly ONE playoff berth, in 2003. Who was their first-round opponent? You guessed it. The Browns squandered a 24-7 third quarter lead and, worse, a 33-24 advantage with less than four minutes left in the game. The Steelers won that excruciating contest by 3, which is exactly how many times they beat the Browns that year.

-How many times have the Steelers made it to the postseason since 1999? Five, including one Super Bowl victory. Of course the road to the playoffs is a lot easier when you can basically count on two automatic wins per year.

-The Browns are about the only team that can win 10 games in a season (2007) and not make the playoffs. Why did they not qualify? In part because they lost both their games against the Steelers.

-The Browns have lost eight consecutive games at home to their arch nemesis and division foe. Overall they have lost 10 straight. Since '99 the record is 17-3 in the Steelers' favor. The Steelers beat the Browns so often and in so many ways that by now the Browns have learned to like it. On December 28th they'll be in Pittsburgh asking for another.

-The Steelers' 10 wins in a row is the longest current streak between two NFL teams.

-Which modern coach has had the most success against the Yellow and Black? Chris Palmer. Palmer had a combined overall record of 5-27 in his two years at the helm. His record against the Steelers? A sparkling 2-2. Since then it's all been downhill. Butch Davis? He was 1-8. Romeo Crennel, in seven tries, has beaten the Steelers roughly as many times as I have.

-Recent history suggests that maybe this bitter rivalry is no rivalry at all. Yet dating back to 1950 the teams are deadlocked at 55-55, revealing these teams are indeed rivals and have always been. But until the Browns start acting like a real member of the NFL by beating Pittsburgh at least once a year, they don't deserve a slot in the postseason.

The Browns have now lost two games at home to start the season. I say last year's 10 wins were a mirage, considering the ease of schedule. The schedule this time around is brutal. Romeo Crennel and Co. are beat up and battered already. Neither the offense nor the defense are working and even QB Derek Anderson's helmet radio has been malfunctioning. Fourteen games remain in which to turn it around and show the league and their infuriated fans what they're made of. Doubtful it will happen, but let's see.

Go CAVS!

nwb

Don't Fall for the Hype

Cronyism, global warming denial, secrecy, excessive spending, anti-gay, ultra Christian and a LOT of time away from the capital. Haven't we had enough of this kind of crap from the executive branch? Sarah Palin is a snake. Read about it in the New York Times, or in an open letter from Wasilla, Alaska resident Anne Kilkenny, who has known and observed Palin since 1992.

Obama '08

nwb

"7 pounds 3 ounces, 21 inches of perfection"

Although Josh Gippin and Shane Wynn went to high school together, they were in fact not high school sweethearts. On the contrary, some might be surprised to learn that, during their two-year acquaintance at Akron Firestone, Josh and Shane sustained a long and mutual loathing of each other. As a nonpartisan bystander, I observed a casual dislike (which, as I recall, erupted over a disputed last hotdog in the lunch line) escalate into a flat-out enmity that would bring the entire school to its knees. The impact of their animosity was far reaching. Firestone was divided into a West Akron equivalent of Bloods and Crips. All were forced to take sides, nerds and jocks alike. Teachers were helpless as rival gangs took over. When negotiations proved futile, all-out war became imminent. Fortunately, graduation intervened. Josh and Shane were college bound. No blood was spilled.

So how was it, you ask, that Josh and Shane reconciled years later and eventually married? I don't really know, but I suspect that beneath all those layers of hate a passion was kindled that for years lay smoldering within their respective bosoms. Josh and Shane reunited not as deadly enemies, but as husband and wife, and today we celebrate the fruit of that union in the form of their first child, Amelia Rose (it remains altogether unclear whether Amelia is a Gippin-Wynn, Wynn-Gippin, Wyppin, or otherwise). Amelia was born on September 7th. Here are her statistics, McBone certified:

Weight: 7 lb. 3 oz.

Length: 21 in.

Time of birth: 8:03 AM

The choice of Amelia recieves the highly desireable McBone Seal of Approval: McB for conjuring imagages of the following people:

Amelia Earhart



Amelie Poulain



Emile Durkheim*




McBone, the NOML, the NIML and the AMA are united in issuing a hearty McBoneulations to Josh and Shane. May their truce endure through the ages, and a healthy, happy and long life to Amelia Rose!

nwb

*I have no idea who this is, but he's cool as hell.

Our Rotten Garbage

The year grows late, and with November approaching, the Bush administration winds down 8 years of environmental contempt that has included, among other offenses: attempts to roll back already insufficient clean air and water standards, denying global warming, and catering to the energy and logging industries. Meanwhile, ordinary folk like you and me try to do little things to save our planet from certain doom. While the efforts of a single person may seem futile in the whole coal-and-oil-burning scheme of things, the collective actions of many can, in fact, make a huge difference. Example: the average American creates over 4 pounds of garbage per day. That's twice as much as any other developed country. Just think what a positive environmental impact it would have if everyone made a conscious effort to reduce waste by, say, a half pound per day. That would keep 150 million pounds of trash out of our overburdened landfills and oceans every single day! Here are some other highly disturbing facts about trash.

Fortunately, we are not helpless. Here are some ways Alex and I are trying to make McBone Outpost #1211 more eco-friendly.

-Switching from wasteful incandescent light bulbs to energy-efficient compact florescent bulbs.

-Taking reusable bags to the supermarket instead of using the plastic or paper ones provided by the store. Doesn't it drive you nuts when they put like 2 items in a bag, and then double bag, so that you end up with 38 plastic bags, and then you realize that plastic bags are made from petroleum and that we're at war over petroleum so that each plastic bag we use has contributed in its small way to the death of thousands. Am I ranting here? Oh yeah, and plastic is not biodegradable.

-Keeping the McBonemobile in the garage as much as possible.

-Recycling. It boggles my mind that some people still don't recycle. What the fuck?

This week Alex and I are going to continue our greening project by eliminating biodegradable matter from our curbside garbage. How, you ask? Composting! And why is composting so great? Because food, while biodegradable, does not break down properly in the low-oxygen confines of a landfill. Food in a compost bin turns into rich, fertile soil that is ideal for gardening. Food in a landfill produces methane--a notorious and totally smelly greenhouse gas that contributes to global warming.

And composting is easy! Just click here to see the 100% recycled-plastic composter that I just purchased online.

So in 3-5 days our endeavor begins. Our composting goals are to:

-create soil for gardening

-reduce landfill waste

-reduce greenhouse gas

-annoy the neighbors with the wafting smell of decay

-attract vermin

OK, so I was just kidding on these last two. In reality a properly balanced compost pile does not smell and will not attract animals. I'm told this is done by including ample yard waste (dead leaves, grass clippings) in the bin. We'll see how it goes and I will certainly keep you, gentle McBoners, posted.

nwb

Pictured above: me looking handsome as I drop a pear into a bucket of assorted food scraps.

This Sarah Palin Thing is Really Galling Me.

You know, I really don't think that John McCain stands a snowball's chance in hell of winning the election in November. I believe that Barack Obama is history in the making and that McCain is a crusty old tax-slashin' conservative who tries not very convincingly to paint himself as some sort of moderate/maverick/thorn in the side of his own party. Yeah, he talks about the environment and the need to end bipartisan squabbling in Washinton, but by now he's backtracked on so many of his former stances like abortion and the religious right, and he voted almost every single time with worst president in the history of the universe, and anyway don't you get the feeling that, like any good conservative, McCain has a permanent hard-on for Ronald Reagan? Anyway, the point is: John McCain is like a moth in the face of an advancing storm, so why, especially after eight years of having the Antichrist in the vice president's office, is it so galling to me that McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate?

If you pay as much attention to the news as I do, then you too have noticed that Barack Obama is black. Moreover, his main adversary in the democratic primaries was a woman. One of these two was going to change history by becoming the first non-white male to win a major party's nomination. How does the Republican party react? By doing as they always do: pay lip service to progress. After all, it's the Democrats who were making the headlines while the Repubicans shuffled out a field of eight tired old men. They had to do something to pump some life into their campaign, right?

Apparently McCain and the Republicans think so little of the intelligence of the voting public that they thought they could choose this unknown governor from Alaska and that we'd mindlessly swallow the idea that she was the one they thought best qualified for the job. I mean, it's so obvious that, in the wake of the despicable Dick Cheney, in the face of all that's happening on the Democratic front, they came up with a list of potential women candidates and chose the most telegenic of them. Did they think a whole bunch of Hillary Clinton supporters would jump ship and swim toward any random female candidate? I think Clinton supporters are astute enough to do a little research and see that Palin is no substitute for Hillary.

Now, all this is not to say I don't think they should have chosen a woman. Sarah Palin may have a great smile, but I gotta believe there were better choices out there.

nwb

In a World Where...

Most likely the name Don LaFontaine doesn't mean much to you, but if you've ever seen a movie trailer, particularly one beginning with the immortal phrase, In a world where... then you certainly know the sonorous baritone of the man nicknamed "The Voice of God."

Don LaFontaine, author and voiceover artist of some 5,000 movie trailers, died Monday at the age of 68, ending a career that spanned four decades and included work on such films as:

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Dr. Strangelove

The Godfather, Part II

The Terminator

Terminator 2

Batman Returns

And countless others. Please enjoy the following trailer of which LaFontaine was proudest, from David Lynch's "The Elephant Man."



Hollywood has lost one of its most enduring and anonymous icons. Rest in peace, Don. Your voice will be missed every time I hit the cineplex.

nwb

Cliff Lee's Amazing Season

The Cleveland Indians have had many great pitchers in the 100+ year history of the ballclub. Consider the following roster of Hall of Famers and all stars:

Addie Joss, Cy Young, Stan Covaleski, Bob Feller, Bob Lemon, Early Wynn, Sudden Sam McDowell, Wes Ferrell, Mel Harder, Luis Tiant, Bert Blyleven, Herb Score, Gaylord Perry, Jim Perry, Mike Garcia, George Uhle, Anatole Stanko. What do all of these great Indians pitchers have in common? All of them won 20 games at some point in their careers. Not one of them was ever 20-2.

In fact, you have to look long and hard to find anyone in the history of the game who was ever 20-2. Yet 20-2 is exactly what Cliff Lee is tonight after tossing yet another masterpiece, this time a 5-hit shutout of the division-leading Chicago White Sox. In the midst of a miserable summer on the shores of Lake Erie, Cliff Lee has single-handedly made his team watchable by putting together one of the finest seasons that the Major Leagues has ever seen.

Here are a few impressive statistics from Lee's remarkable run.

-His won-loss percentage of 91% currently ranks him #6 all time for a single season.

-In 27 starts, Lee has walked exactly 27 batters.

-His ERA is a MLB best 2.32

-He has been getting better as the season wears on. He went 5-0 with a 1.86 ERA in August. In his last ten starts, he is 9-0.

-His 20 wins account for 30% of the Indians' paltry total of 66 in 2008.

-He has given up a miserly 8 home runs all season.

Not bad for a guy who spent much of 2007 in the minor leagues after being demoted for much needed mechanical and attitude adjustments.

What's different? Lee cites mental toughness and a strict, mayonnaise-free diet as major contributors to his success. When asked whether he made the switch to Miracle Whip, he replied curtly: Miracle Whip is mayonnaise.

Lee is the first Indians pitcher to win 20 games since Gaylord Perry posted a 21-13 mark in 1974. Perhaps most amazing of all: when Perry won game #20 that year, he too pitched a five-hit shutout. How mysterious the Sports Gods are. Man, I love baseball.

From the beginning of the year Cliff Lee has been the very best pitcher in the major leagues, and he should be a cinch to win the Indians' second consecutive Cy Young award. A lot can happen in one month, but with the way Lee has pitched, I don't forsee a major letdown.

McBone congratulates you, Cliff Lee, for your remarkable and historic 2008 season.

nwb