|From left: Actual Mom, McBonerito's Mom, Mom-in-Law|
Here's a quick breakdown for you:
The Mother-of-My-Child Mom - You know her as my sometimes-popular wife and mother of the McBonerito. The woman who has redefined the art of parenting over the past 18 months today joins her fellow Purdue graduates at the 2013 commencement ceremony. Understand that my wife excels at everything she tries. She's brilliant, she's beautiful and she'll charm your pants right off, but I have spent the last year and a half witnessing her at her greatest vocation, which looks a little something like this:
The Mother-in-Law Mom - My favorite mayonnaise offender traveled great distances to be with her daughter today. This graduation represents the fourth and final that my suegra will have to attend on her eldest child's behalf, which is a shame, because she always brings a bottle of Venezuelan rum when she visits. Anyways, it's a husband's natural right to have a problem with his mother-in-law, yet, after 14 years I still can't find a single thing wrong with her, aside from the fact that she once made her own mayonnaise, which is bad, but she knows what she did was wrong and we've moved on amicably.
The Actual-Mother Mom - Middle children are notorious moaners. Not me. One so gifted with brains, sophistication and debonaire good looks can only thank his mother for the supply of high-quality DNA and the upbringing that resulted in such a magnificent specimen. Dig it:
Moreover, my mother's 1983 decision to never make tuna noodle casserole again ranks as one of the finest parenting maneuvers of the decade and possibly of all time.
I couldn't live without any of these women. It's rare to have them together in one house, and I aim to enjoy it.
Happy Mother's Day, Moms! I love you, individually and en masse.